Maybe this Year...

"Maybe this Christmas will mean something more
Maybe this year love will appear
Deeper than ever before

And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call
Someone we love, someone we've lost
For reasons we can't quite recall, oh
Maybe this Christmas

Maybe there'll be an open door
Maybe the star that shined before
Will shine once more, oh

And maybe this Christmas will find us at last
In Heavenly peace,
Grateful at least
For the love we've been shown in the past, oh
Maybe this Christmas, maybe this Christmas"

-Ron Sexsmith

OK so the holiday season is fully upon us, in two weeks it's Thanksgiving, in another after that Christmas, in between we have Hanukkah, and perhaps a few other faith-based holidays. I thought I'd take a short break from real estate for today's rambling, and just a bit on life. 

Let me start out by saying, I apologize for the CHRISTMAS music quote BEFORE Thanksgiving, I didn't choose it because I'm a huge fan of Christmas music at all, I actually chose it for it's lyrics and what it says to me, and hopefully to anyone who reads this. (I too dislike Christmas music before Turkey Day myself!)

So it's a Saturday morning at home, a rare time where the three of us (Lc, Kc, and I) are all home at the same time, and being the huge fans of food and Thanksgiving we are, decided it was officially time to start building and determining the menu for this year's meal. Add in the fact that we're watching Food Network while this is going on, so the of course gets the creative juices flowing. And what is the antithesis to creativity in the kitchen? I'll tell you- BUDGET. And this year is tighter than in prior years because, well I'm a new real estate agent and I'm not making much money, and my part time job isn't quite filling all the cracks yet. So we obviously have to be careful to not stray from a per-established budget. This is made more challenging because we also have to make some items Gluten-Free. I don't know if many of you out there have shopped for gluten-free ingredients, but let me tell you- they are typically twice or three times as expensive as their glutinous counterparts. So while that's not a main focus, it IS something we keep in mind in determining what to make. And because we're a little low on the funds now, I naturally have felt hugely responsible for the financial short-comings of recent months. 

It was during a little... turmoil, in the discussion over who was making certain pies this year; that I got to thinking. You see in the past Kc, in a nod to her late grandmother,  has taken on the pies for dessert. It takes her back to Thanksgivings of years past when she would spend an ENTIRE day morning-to-night baking a dozen pies and desserts with her grandmother for Thanksgiving Day. After Grandma Cassel passed away Kc immediately took on the Pie-Sampler mantle and still likes to hold on to the tradition of spending an entire day baking turkey day pies. Then the turmoil comes in when Lc also wants to bake a pie for our guests/family to enjoy. And as sisters often do... an argument arose and quickly dissipated and was resolved. (Yay! teamwork)

That's when I really started thinking about the state of things right now. This year with my finances in a less-than-awesome state, things are really being highlighted for me. I can see now why this time of year can really make or break people. For year's we all smile and nod at how 'disgracefully commercialized' the holiday season is, and for years it's taken for granted and we just cruise right through the season without a second thought about how much a toll it can take on other people. I will be the first to admit I've never been down during this season as a result I've selfishly plowed right through. I guess it's just another lesson in life that we, or I do and have taken a LOT for granted. 

I am a struggling real estate agent, I have a part time job, and I am looking for more work to get us through these tough times. And even still I don't have it NEAR as rough as some folks out there. I'm NOT homeless, I WILL have food, and I will get to see people I love this year. Not everyone has even that much. So despite being a little depressed, I take solace in knowing I'm still better off than people with real problems. I don't want to spend this season dwelling on what I don't have this year that I've had in the past. Gifts I've been able to buy, things I've been able to do. When you are taking life for granted you center EVERYTHING you have and can do around money. I WANT to be better than that. I'm not yet, but I know I can be if I try harder to appreciate EVERYTHING else in my world more. 

While I watched the girls have that dumb little spat I started thinking about that. "This is really an argument? Seriously?" Guys we get to spend this time together, with a roof over our heads, with heat! We are still eating a FABULOUS meal. We are getting together with some terrific people and sharing that. We are losing site of the most important part of THANKSGIVING, not the meal, but the time away from jobs and school, and drama; and just coming together because we've made it another year! Grandma Cassel will be looking down with her great big smile, knowing that the girls made pies TOGETHER. There is no reason Kc needs to worry that Lc was encroaching on territory or tradition. Lc has NO reason to feel like people are going to look at her and think "well she didn't make anything..." because EVERYONE knows how hard she works to get all the groceries, to prep ALL the food, to help me with the Turkey, to make the side dishes. AND then hosting people in our house and all the thankless tasks that only women remember afterwards- the stress of having people, keeping the house clean, cleaning the dishes. We HAVE to stop making things about "me" or "I". Holidays are "US" times. We need to do better in remembering that. I can already tell you my best Thanksgiving memories of recent years... it's not that we had a good meal. It's the proud look on Kc's face when I come home to see all the pies she's made that day. It's the smell of the Turkey roasting in the oven on Thanksgiving Day. It's my little sister's devilish grin when she grabs a bigger slice of pie than my mom would like her to have. Its the after-dinner coffee my dad always wants (and tries to get others to have with him because he doesn't like drinking alone!) It's the little 'kodak' moments that inevitably happen before, during, and after these celebrations. So this year, I challenge myself (but I hope you will join me,) to focus on not whats happening with me, but whats happening with anyone but me. And maybe this Christmas will find us at last In Heavenly peace, Grateful at least, For the love we've been shown in the past, oh Maybe this Christmas

Thanks for reading! Happy Holiday Season!